Making Sense of the People Puzzle in Life!

July 29, 2013 Focus Point

July 29, 2013
Focus Point

Avoid The Summer Slump

In sports the slump can be a dry spell that starts with one player and moves through the entire team affecting their level of success. The summer slump is something that affects not only players in sports, but can affect us in our own personal life and business as well. Robert Rohm said it well when he taught on this topic: "It usually begins when we just don’t feel emotionally, mentally, or spiritually as well as we would like. We find ourselves restless and empty, trying to find something to fill that void that is inside of us. We may find ourselves looking frantically to other people to help make us feel better. And yet, we know that our own happiness and well-being does not lie in the hands of another person."  

You may try to avoid or ignore the situation, but if you are in the slump, you must first become aware so that you can build and overcome. One thing to remember is that "tough times do not last, but tough people do." If you are experiencing the summer slump there is no need to feel ashamed, but rather focus on your most important vision and mission in life, and put energy toward helping other people achieve their hopes, dreams, and goals.

Below are a few points from Mr. Rohm as he continues.

1. Act As If. Act as if things are better, doing this helps put your feet on the right path.

2. One Day At A Time. Focus on each day as it comes, make the best of every situation and opportunity. You cannot change yesterday nor are you promised tomorrow. Live today to its fullest, for today is the first day of the rest of your life.

3. Trading Places. Even on your worst day, there are millions of people in this world who would love to trade places with you. No matter how tough it is, there is always someone who has it worse.

4. Easy Does It. When you are feeling down, don't be to hard on yourself. Just know and remember whatever it is you need to accomplish, keep trying and you will get better.

With all of the loud outer voices in the world demanding your time and attention, remember to listen to your inner and most important voice. Sometimes it just really helps to take a break from the normal routine, sit back and refocus on the very most important things in your life. Take time to consider the beauty and wonder of life, with all of the excitement, laughter, and fun times. Remember how sweet the gift of life really is, that it is short and comes with no guarantees. 

July 22, 2013 Focus Point

July 22, 2013
Focus Point

Are Your Relationships Real?

On a daily basis everywhere we go, everything we do, we are working and communicating in some way with other people. In fact even yourself you cannot escape, for where ever you go, there you are. Our hope in working with others is for positive outcomes to serve them, but also to get what we want as well for a win-win. One powerful point to remember: Manipulation is to move someone for personal advantage, while Motivation is to move someone for mutual advantage.

Your ability to communicate clearly, give direction specifically, listen intently, offer advice at the right time with true intention of the other persons interests, and to be effective in conflict resolution, will make or break you. Now there are some who would just rather not have to "deal" with people at all, but I cannot think of any job or business that exists that you do not have to work with people. In fact every company has 3 basic functions. 1. Marketing, 2. Sales, and 3. Fulfillment. Each of these areas require connecting with other people.

In John Maxwell's work The Ten Commandments of Handling Conflict he teaches 10 key points as follows. (For full detail on each point please visit my blog at trentwhite.blogspot.com )

1. Obey the 101% Principle, in finding the 1% that you agree on and give it 100% of your effort

2. Love people more than opinions
3. Give others the benefit of the doubt
4. Learn to be flexible
5. Provide an escape hatch for the other person in the conflict
6. Check your own attitudes
7. Don't overreact
8. Don't become defensive
9. Welcome the conflict
10. Take a risk

There are days and times when you may feel like Charlie Brown when he said: "I love mankind, it's people I can't stand." Every person wants success in their work and profession, and every company wants to increase bottom line profits. Therefore, when there is conflict we must overcome, when there is misunderstanding we must clarify, when tempers flare we must remain calm and think clearly.

My encouragement this week is to grow in areas of relationships and give thought as to why the other person thinks, feels, and behaves the way they do.

John Maxwell on Relationships and Conflict Resolution

1. Obey the 101% Principle.
What’s that? “Find the 1% that you agree on and give it 100% of your effort.”
Writer Cullen Hightower said, “There’s too much said for the sake of argument and too little said for the sake of agreement.” The first and best response when conflict emerges in a relationship is to actively search for the areas where you already agree. It’s the quickest way to start moving the conflict toward resolution.
2. Love people more than opinions.
Do you know anyone who does the opposite? How much conflict does he or she experience in life? It’s my belief that anyone who loves his opinions more than his friends will defend his opinions and destroy his friends. Focus on the relationship over and above the issue, and you’ll keep the lines of communication open.
3. Give others the benefit of the doubt.
I’ve often said that to handle yourself, you should use your head. But to handle others, you should use your heart. It’s natural to do the opposite: To let ourselves off the hook while we demand perfection from others. Assume right motives from the person you’re in conflict with. This defuses defensiveness and allows you both to focus on solving the problem at hand.
4. Learn to be flexible.
Thomas Jefferson famously said, “In matters of principle, stand like a rock. In matters of taste, swim with the current.” Ask yourself two important questions: “Does this really make a difference?” and “Will I care about this tomorrow?” If you answer “no,” then perhaps you can compromise on your position.
5. Provide an escape hatch for the other person in the conflict.
Years ago, in their policy for dealing with angry customers, Enterprise Car Rentals urged staff to “never let the customer lose face.” It’s tempting in a conflict to try to argue the other person into a corner, to try to force them to agree with you. But it’s more realistic and effective to gently persuade them, so they can compromise without feeling like they’ve lost.
6. Check your own attitudes.
It’s been said that if Joe has a problem with Paul, and Joe has a problem with Karen, and Joe has a problem with Samuel, then maybe Joe is the problem. Is conflict a frequent part of many of your relationships? Perhaps it’s time to take a look in the mirror and see if your actions or attitudes are the cause of the recurring conflict.
7. Don’t overreact.
When conflict arises, it’s important to keep it in perspective and react appropriately. How big of an issue is it, really? Does your reaction match it in intensity? If not, then you might be responding to an underlying issue or something from your past. I believe that when my response is more intense than the issue at hand, then my response is often about something else. That’s something I need to resolve with myself.
8. Don’t become defensive.
Contrary to how it makes us feel, most conflict is not directly about us. Instead, it’s a problem to be solved by two or more people. Avoid the blame game, and you’ll have a clearer head for approaching the problem logically.
9. Welcome the conflict.
In spite of our best efforts, we will all have conflict with other people, because they’re not just like us. They have different personalities, beliefs, and desires, so there will be disagreements and misunderstandings. Rather than running from conflict, or reacting with horror when it comes up, focus on resolving it together and making it a learning experience. It’s been said that conflict can give you either ulcers or understanding.
10. Take a risk.
This is the hardest part. When faced with the potential for conflict, we may be tempted to disconnect and distrust. We think that will avoid pain. But the reality is that everyone in relationship gets hurt. I made the decision a long time ago that I would rather risk being hurt than keep people at a distance. So I choose every day to be vulnerable with others, to believe the best about them, and trust them.

July 15, 2013 Focus Point

July 15, 2013
Focus Point

An Enemy Called Average

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to sit back, slow down, do just enough to get by? It is within human nature to desire to create, achieve, and make progress. But you have to stay on task because it is always easier to do less rather than more, to put off what you don't feel like doing until tomorrow, and to let someone else do what you should be doing, and so forth.

Many towns and cities in America have a street by the name of Easy Street, and the ones that I know of, go a few blocks and you guessed it, a Dead End. I believe in life when we take Easy Street, or take the easy way out we are headed for a dead end. It takes courage to rise above the norm, it takes persistence to go for the unpopular, it takes discipline to do what should be done, when it should be done even when you do not feel like it. It requires less thinking of yourself to pick up a piece of trash off the floor in someone else's work area. Any fish can swim down stream, but it takes effort to swim against the current. The enemy for many people is allowing procrastination, mediocrity, complacency, going with the flow, and being content with average, to take over and take control. Most people just live life, but the happy and successful people lead their life. John Mason said it well: "There is something within each of us crying out to be above average."

A man told a story about when he was a young boy, he came home to his mother with school grades that were less than what she knew he was capable. She said; "David, if you settle for mediocrity you are the top of the bottom and the bottom of the top. You can do better than this."

Every person wants to be happy and content in life, and interestingly enough it takes getting out of your comfort zone to make it happen. John Mason also wrote in his book An Enemy Called Average “Be the whole person you can be. Don’t settle for anything less. Don’t look back. Look forward and decide today to boldly take steps toward the very best plans for your life.”

My encouragement this week is to rise above average by doing what you should do, when you should do it.

Transform your Organization with Leadership Training!

July 8, 2013 Focus Point

July 8, 2013
Focus Point

Accomplish More In Life With Optimism

What a wonderful word don't you think? Optimism allows you to look at the bright side of life, it is the size of your spirit and the courage of your character. Optimism allows you to accomplish in life that which a pessimist would never dare. It allows you to forgive yourself of past mistakes and move forward, to come back after failure and try again, to keep on moving forward even when circumstances do not change right away. It allows you to try new things with renewed vigor rather than sour disbelief from past failures. It breathes life and hope into your life. It truly is amazing what you can see in life once you know what you are looking for.

Now a few words of caution. Optimism is not an excuse to pursue unrealistic goals. It does not justify being irresponsible. It does not change immediate circumstances and will not bend the laws of nature. Optimism is not a remedy for lack of preparation, for preparation is the foundation of all success, and having a positive outlook alone does not reduce the need of preparation. Optimism is not a manipulation tactic to get your own way. And finally, it does not guarantee quick results. You can make a change in an instant in your mind, but it takes time, preparation, and hard work to follow through on the action necessary to change circumstances.

Martin Luther King said it well: "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Our optimism is such a powerful thing in life, and it would seem that every person has a natural response to one side or the other. Either they are more naturally an optimist or a pessimist. But in the end you must understand that it is your choice. It is a choice that you and I make on a daily basis, even moment to moment. To some it comes very easy and natural, and to others with more challenge and difficulty, but still a choice none the less.

A story was told of a man who was naturally negative and would gravitate to pessimism as a natural response. Thank goodness he became aware of his need to change early in life. By controlling his thoughts and environment, he was able to learn how to be more optimistic and give himself encouragement. This in turn effected his success in life. And if one man can, any man (or woman) can.

July 1, 2013 Focus Point

July 1, 2013
Focus Point

The 30 Second Rule

I have recently had the opportunity to learn about the 30 second rule, and I truly believe that this one practice alone will make a tremendous difference in our effectiveness in working with people. There are so many practices, but this one thing will make all of the difference in your awareness of others, help you learn more about them, and increase your success and influence with them.

The next time you make contact with someone, begin by giving them your undivided attention during the first thirty seconds. Hit them with the Triple A Treatment by giving them attention, affirmation and appreciation. You see, when most people meet others they search for ways to make themselves look good. The key to the 30 Second Rule is to learn to reverse this practice and make the other person look good, and feel even better. William King said it well when he said it this way: "A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself."

Never underestimate the power of motivation and encouragement to others. It will inspire them to improve in every single aspect and pursuit in life. It will help employees work smarter, harder, and more effectively. It will help family members get along. It will help team members appreciate different points of view. It will help anyone in a supervisor position to remember that those they lead have insight to offer.